Looking for Love? The Green Flags Nobody Talks About
Everyone writes about red flags. Very few people write about green flags.
Spend five minutes on social media and you will be convinced that dating is one giant obstacle course full of red flags. Apparently if someone orders pineapple on their pizza, takes too long to reply to a text, or still uses Facebook to wish people Happy Birthday, you should run for the hills.
Now, I am not saying red flags do not exist. They absolutely do, and it is important to recognise behaviours that are unhealthy or concerning.
But after years of working as a matchmaker sitting across the table from hundreds of wonderful singles looking for love, I think we have become so focused on avoiding the wrong people that we sometimes overlook the qualities that make someone wonderfully right.
The green flags.
These are the things that rarely make headlines but often make dating and relationships last.
They are genuinely interested in getting to know you
Notice I did not say they talk a lot. In fact, one of the biggest green flags in dating is someone who asks thoughtful questions and actually listens to the answers.
If they remember something you mentioned on your first date and ask about it later, that is worth paying attention to. It shows curiosity, kindness and that they are interested in you, not just waiting for their turn to speak.
They are kind when nobody is watching
How someone treats the waiter, the supermarket checkout operator or the person serving coffee tells you far more than how they behave when they are trying to impress a date.
Kindness is not something you switch on for special occasions. It is part of who someone is, and one of the qualities that helps people find lasting love.
You feel comfortable being yourself
Sometimes people mistake butterflies for compatibility.
Butterflies are lovely. They are exciting. They can also be caused by nerves, uncertainty or wondering whether you have spinach in your teeth. And this is perfectly normal for first dates!
A real green flag is after a few dates when you feel relaxed. You laugh. The conversation flows. You are not constantly analysing every word you say or trying to be someone else.
The best relationships often feel less like a performance and more like coming home. The best matchmaking is about finding someone who makes you feel exactly that way.
They speak respectfully about people
This does not mean they have never had difficult experiences.
Most of us have.
But someone who can talk about past relationships with maturity, rather than bitterness, usually shows emotional intelligence and self awareness.
That is a very attractive quality and one that often leads to healthier, happier relationships.
They do what they say they will do
It sounds simple, but consistency is underrated.
They call when they said they will.
They arrive on time.
They follow through.
Trust is built from lots of small moments, not one grand romantic gesture, and it is one of the strongest foundations for finding someone you can build a future with.
They make room for laughter
Life has enough serious moments.
The couples I see thrive are often the ones who can laugh together, especially when things do not go to plan.
If your date can smile when it starts raining halfway through your walk, or laugh because neither of you can remember where you parked the car, you are already creating memories.
Humour is one of the greatest relationship superpowers.
Nobody is perfect
Here is something I wish more people knew.
The right person will not tick every single box on your wish list.
They may be five minutes late occasionally.
They may not love your favourite television show.
They might even put tomato sauce on eggs. Strange, perhaps, but not necessarily a deal breaker.
The happiest couples are not perfect. They simply find someone whose strengths, values and personality complement their own.
The best relationships are built on green flags
At Twos Company, I meet people from all walks of life. They are successful, interesting, kind and ready to find someone special. Like everyone, they have their own stories, experiences and hopes for the future.
As a professional matchmaker in New Zealand, I have learnt that lasting relationships are rarely built on dramatic first impressions or movie moments. More often, they are built on kindness, trust, shared values, laughter and the quiet confidence that comes from feeling comfortable with another person.
That is why professional matchmaking is about so much more than introducing two singles. It is about understanding who people are, what matters most to them and helping them build a genuine connection that has the potential to last.
So the next time you head out on a date, by all means keep your eyes open for the red flags.
But do not forget to notice the green ones too.
Sometimes they are the very things that lead to something truly special.
Happy dating,
Sasha
Founder and Matchmaker, Twos Company NZ
Looking for love in New Zealand? If you are ready to move beyond dating apps and would like to meet genuine, relationship-minded singles, Twos Company offers a personalised matchmaking service designed to help you find someone special. Learn more about our matchmaking services or get in touch for a confidential chat.